Live and Let Live

Fly High sweetpea...

I didn't expect to be writing this sort of blog - and it saddens me to loose yet another friend, the lovely, and handsome Alan Crowther.

I don't get to blog each time one of my friends gains their angel wings, otherwise, that would be all I wrote about sadly. Knowing friends with LAM, CF, and many other illnesses or whether waiting/post transplant - it is just a journey with no guarentees. The same as accidents that occur - one day we are alive and kicking. The next flying high in the sky.

I have gone through a mixture of emotions today and felt very teary eyed on/off today and kinda depressed too. I tend to bottle up how I feel, and for me to express my feelings here IS a miracle. Sadness, anger, then determination to keep living and pursue all my goals/ambitions whilst I can and live on in respect of my friends wanting me to achieve all I do (against the odds).

Alan, was one of these - we never actually met, but were close friends for many years talking on Facebook, msn, texting etc and shared inner most thoughts/emotions.

And so a special bond was formed and he felt like a best friend even brother - so close.

Alan also loved to draw, and I kept asking him to draw me (he had a list of people asking-yet lucky me, I jumped the queue). Alan posted this sketch last year (2011). It had meaning, and now more so!

Alan had cystic fibrosis and married to the lovely Alison who he idolised from our many chats about life, romance and all sorts. Alan was hoping to get a transplant and to travel to USA, but, he sadly became too ill even for transplant.

I know life begins and has an end - but, why do people unfairly have their ending before they really should? Questions start to cross my mind - like why I am still alive, why did I get a transplant and others didn't. Why don't people ALL understand and sign the organ donor register to save more lives?

.....taking a deep breathe here........sighs........

But, what can we gain - what can we take away from experiences that leave feeling somewhat confused and missing those who shine with the stars? Remember all the good times, happy moments, laughs and how amazing that person was to other people to and their loved ones. Gain strength and determination to keep going.

Only 7 weeks now until I leave the UK to sail around part of the world...so Alan, I will do this for you - I know you were very proud of me when we talked about my venture. I will also do this for the many friends I have loved and lost. I will do this, for the man who saved my life with his lungs as his battle was coming to an end. I will do this for my Mum and Dad who are also very proud of me. I will do this for me too!

Really appreciate your life and take nothing for granted. Life can be short and robbed too soon - do what you want to do, say what you want to say. Don't live with regret.

So on that note with a little tear - I love you all xxx